Many of us insist that, “At work I really don’t see myself as a woman; I just see myself as a professional.” Yet in most workplaces, the political reality is that men are the ‘in group’ and women are the de facto ‘out group’. Surveys show that both men and women tend to see (and critically judge) you as a ‘female professional’ rather than ‘just a professional’. As Gloria Steinem says, “No one wants her achievements modified. We all just want to be the noun (‘professional’)…Yet the world has a way of reminding women that they are women and girls that they are girls.” (1)
The idea that you, as a woman, are a member of a lower status group and may therefore be treated as such, can be pretty uncomfortable. And if you are a woman of color, or non mainstream in another way, that’s a double whammy. Naturally, we would rather not see ourselves as disadvantaged ‘victims’; we’d rather be the heroine in our life. But the fact is that the few women who make it to senior management confirm they end up having to do twice as much as the male candidates to get there. If that’s not a disadvantage, what is? (See Blog 1 for Survey Findings)
So without self-pity or whining, let’s become aware of our work reality and choose how we want to be with it and what we want to do about it.
It’s not always easy to muster up the courage to take charge of our lives, especially when we were born into and socialized in a culture that favors boys over girls, and men over women, in so many ways. Today, women can be said to come into the world with an inborn disadvantage, and live a life of trying to move up from behind. For all of us, as far back as our ancestors can remember, patriarchy is all there ever was. But it turns out that’s not true! Take heart in a little-known fact to remind us that it was not always this way:
.Surprise — for over 5,000 years, most human societies on the planet actually worshipped the feminine. In those agrarian times, women were revered for our ability to create, reproduce, and renew; we represented the all-encompassing cycle of fertility, life and death; the earth, nature and spirit; and celebrated for our innate female intuition and wisdom. Holidays, social rituals, and everyday religion were centered around female goddesses rather than male deities. And matriarchy prevailed. This was the period from 7,000-1,500 BC throughout the Indo-European cradle of Western civilization (2). As fantastic as this reality may seem to us now, it existed a lot longer than the current patriarchy we live under. Let us learn more and teach our children about this historic legacy so it inspires us to fulfill our potential. Let it serve as a powerful reminder of who we are — innately and potentially — a community of empowered women.
As these peaceful farming societies were conquered by nomadic herding and hunting tribes, they brought patriarchy. HERstory was rewritten as HIStory; male gods replaced goddesses; patriarchy replaced egalitarianism. What followed was 3,500 years of the opposite — worshipping the masculine. Today, men are revered for their ability to innovate and create, but also feared for their ability to dominate and destroy — physically, economically, socially, technologically, and politically. We could say that our modern world is, in large part, the outcome of centuries of male domination, exploitation, and oppression of other men, women, children, animals, technology, and Mother Earth.
Would we have been better off if women were in charge? Who knows? But in hindsight, and as an abundance of research on ‘reasons why women make better leaders’ suggests, this is a promising option to explore!(2015 Saba – Harris Poll https://www.replicon.com/17-reasons-women-make-great-leaders). Ultimately though, it’s not about whether men or women are in control; but about our society and culture having equal respect and deference for both feminine and masculine qualities, whether they are embodied in a man or a woman; after all, each of us has both.
What about a new paradigm? Isn’t it time to celebrate and support both the feminine and the masculine, in their most positive aspects, as a human ideal for a more conflict-free and productive society?
The pendulum swung for the feminine the first 5,000 years; for the masculine this next 5,000 years; now shouldn’t we learn to come to a middle ground to appreciate, leverage, and make the best use of all we have within each of us? Relax the power struggles, conflict, judgement, self-sabotage, and drama; in favor of diversity and inclusion, to support progress, innovation, harmony and success through cooperative collaboration.
A fine vision, you might agree. But how do we navigate through these turbulent waters where sharks may swim?
We know some of those in power have a vested interest in defending the status quo. This means that you and I, on occasion, will need to press our noses against that glass ceiling a bit firmer than usual, just to get our point across. Your work or home environment, and the people in it, may resist the changes you seek; but how else will your world change for the better unless you choose to be the changemaker in your own life?
Remember who you are: a woman with innate and potential power yet to be realized; and an honorary descendant of the ancient matriarchal lines of women who persisted for 5,000 years in their element. May the best of the feminine, as well as the masculine, rise again for the good of all, through each of us.
Producing positive changes in your work or personal life often requires inner work on softer skills like self-awareness, confidence, diplomatic yet assertive communication, a polished management style, time management, relationship or team building, and work-life balance.
At Power to The Queen, we work with you, using our proprietary process and methodology, “8 Steps for Women Leaders” as a guide:
STAGE I – ASSESS
- AWARENESS
- CLARITY
- DIRECTION
STAGE II – DESIGN
- ORGANIZE
- PLAN
STAGE III – IMPLEMENT
- COMMITMENT
- ACTION
- RESULTS
The first step is AWARENESS of self, others, your situation, and your environment. Gaining awareness around the facts and truth of what’s really going on in and around you; and defining your driving values and needs lays the foundation that will set you up for success. CLARITY around your desired outcomes and goals is also essential before deciding on an effective course of action.
Where do I stand now (Point A) and where do I REALLY WANT TO BE (Point B)?
Why is this important to me right now?
What’s in the way? Me, others, my situation, my environment?
What are my options for response, and their pros and cons?
How will I choose which option to take?
How will I make sure I take action?
What is the best way to navigate through the challenges?
How will I know when I have succeeded?
How will I stay accountable to get results?
What can I learn from this experience to apply to other areas of my life?
When navigating through challenging or complex situations, many people find it helps to have a thought and decision partner. This is where we come in. As strategic facilitators, we can help you explore and challenge how you currently see your situation; what you think you can or cannot do about it; and empower yourself to make your best decisions, design your best strategy, and follow through with the best implementation.
Contact us to learn more about how we can support you. Click Here
(1) Sandberg, Sheryl. Lean In. Knopf. 2013. p152.
(2) Gimbutas, Marija.The Language of the Goddess. Foreword by Joseph Campbell. Harper & Row. 1989. p. xiii.
Copyright Nancy Chen and PowertotheQueen.com, 2019