In summary, Asian America asks us to be fully functioning, minority superwomen who suffer silently from cultural schizophrenia! Surely we can see how these convoluted expectations might present a conundrum for Asian women that is a virtual ‘NO WIN’ situation. A high cost is undoubtedly paid on many levels in keeping Asian women in this bind. Certainly the individual woman suffers the frustration of not expressing her authentic professional self or realizing her fullest potential; but the organization, its stakeholders, and larger community also forfeit the benefits of her best contributions if she were free to be — all she is and could be, as a leader.

Every one of the many female Asian professionals I’ve worked with, as talented and heroic as they are, ALL attest to the personal cost they have paid by tolerating their personal Catch-22: a pervading sense that all may not be well; uncertainty, ambivalence, confusion; a lack of clarity or confidence; overwhelm, burnout, work/life imbalance; feeling unsure about how to navigate work relationships or their organization’s culture and politics; career frustrations; disappointment, depression, hopelessness, fear, and anger. Living this unsolvable puzzle day to day could baffle anyone.

How does this Catch-22 show up at work? We share some stories here:
-”I think my natural introversion and deference to authority may be holding me back; it’s frustrating to see less qualified, yet self-promoting, coworkers outpace me.”
-”It’s hard for me to say no, so I probably take on more than I should, because I feel driven to prove myself. Then my work/life balance suffers and I burn out.”
– “Sometimes I feel uncomfortable asserting my ideas and opinions in front of a group or upper management. What if they are not well received?”
– “I find myself triggered when coworkers, and especially supervisors, challenge me. I feel mortified if I made a mistake — OR — I feel stubborn like when I push back at my parents to get what I want.”
– So what is your story?

How did this happen to me?

We may experience the first whammy at work as we encounter our organization’s preferred leadership style. In the mainstream tradition, the Western masculine norm of an assertive, individualist, competitive style would be disappointed by the traditional Asian norm of a more submissive, accommodating, team-oriented style. Fortunately, today there is greater understanding  and tolerance for diverse styles that may even prove more effective, including “feminine” and introverted leadership.

We will experience the second whammy of being socialized as second class citizens in both of the cultures we live in: the sexist traditional American workplace and the sexist traditional Asian upbringing. Not only do we suffer the usual inferiority complex that any woman might when navigating a man’s world; but also from the archaic, yet traumatic, legacy of being permanently devalued because we were born into an Asian family as a girl and not a boy.

The third whammy is common to both Asian women and men: an internalized cultural pressure to perform or to be perfect. Traditional Asian roots in Confucianism anchors your identity in your societal roles vs. in your individual personality, as we do in modern Western societies. You are only as valuable as your contribution to society (in the approved professions) and you bring honor to your family.

And we are not alone. This is often the case with other countries and cultures that are less progressive in their gender and social politics. Importantly, research shows that self-limiting, judgmental Asian values like these are rigorously (even if unconsciously) passed down in subtle and unsubtle ways, and persist in even third-generation Asian Americans(1).

Think of a time you were made to feel like you were “not enough” or “too much”, either because you were female, did not measure up or fit in, or were lower in the hierarchy of power. What personal story sticks out in your mind?