BLOG 8 FEB 2019 (Outie)
What were the tough conversations you’ve had in the last 12 months?
Delegating your work to someone?
Motivating an unmotivated coworker?
Asking for a raise or promotion?
Calling someone out?
Sharing or receiving bad news?
Expressing disappointment over expectations not met?
Accepting praise?
Accepting feedback or criticism?
Pushing back?
Saying “No”?
Something else?
Step #1. COMMON THEME:
See if you can find a common theme to the conversations you found to be “tough”, by completing this sentence: “ This was tough for me because…”
I felt guilty, or like a slacker
I don’t like conflict or confrontation
I felt uncomfortable, less than confident about what to say
I was unsure if I deserved what I was asking for
I was unsure if I deserved their praise
I didn’t want to look like a show-off or big shot
I didn’t want to hurt their feelings
I didn’t want to be rejected or fail
I didn’t want to look bad
I didn’t want to make a fuss or look like a troublemaker
It’s just easier if I don’t go there
Something else?
Is there a common reason your conversations were challenging for you? Make a note of it; is there an “AHA!” learning moment for you here?
Step #2. POST MORTEM: It’s OK. Whatever made it tough for you, that’s what was going on for you; you’re only human. If you want to handle tough situations more effectively, try writing a paragraph describing your thoughts and feelings before, during, and after the conversation, to deepen your self awareness. What were your perspective, concerns, and intended outcome going into it? How did it work out? What might you have done differently? What lessons can you take away from your valuable experience with tough conversations in challenging situations?
Step #3. PREPARATION: If you know you’re heading for a tough conversation, it really helps to be prepared. Rather than just diving in and improvising, we suggest you:
A. Assess the Situation on Three Levels:
Your role, interests, values, motivation, power position, what’s at stake for you?
Their role, interests, values, motivation, power position, what’s at stake for them?
The organization’s interests, values, motivation, what’s at stake?
Personality styles – yours and theirs: free quiz:
https://www.123test.com/disc-personality-test/
Consider:
What personal biases may be clouding your assessment? Relax them and reassess.
How might you adapt your communication with other people involved, in order to better meet your goals?
B. What are your goals or desired outcomes? On three levels:
For the situation, department, or organization
For your relationship with other parties involved
For yourself and your career
C. What can you anticipate?
Areas of common ground; agreement, interest, goals
Areas of potential difference or conflict
Possible questions, concerns, push back, objections
Step #4. DESIGN OPTIONS for RESPONSE:
Map out the situation before you. Given the information you’ve collected above, how might you proceed? Lay out different options for response, their pros, cons, and any inherent risks.
What factors are in or out of your control? How will you use them or let them go?
Envision how you would like to conduct yourself. For example: Are you fully present; taking up your space; interested in the facts and truth; practicing empathy and fair handedness; standing in your truth; asserting yourself appropriate to the situation; holding yourself accountable to your intentions; holding others accountable to their commitments; applying your power; Being the Queen you can be?
What kind of relationship do you want to create?
Envision the type of relationship you could have. For example: What would you need to do to lessen any friction or conflict; invite collaboration; evoke trust, respect or compliance, etc.?
Envision the type of outcome you intend. For example: What would be the best outcome vs. the ‘good enough’ outcome? What’s in the way? What would have to happen/what could you do to create this outcome with the other people involved?
What might be your best approach or strategy? One that has the best chance of accomplishing your goals for the organization, for your relationships with interested parties, and for yourself and your career? What kind of response could you anticipate from them – Yes, No, or Compromise/Renegotiate? What would be our response back?
Step #5. TAKE ACTION and FOLLOW UP
– Try practicing or role playing the conversation on your own or with a helpful partner.
– What would be the best time to hold the conversation? Plan and schedule it on your calendars as needed.
– Anything else that will help you follow through?
– Follow through!
– What are the lessons you’ve learned from this conversation? How will you apply them to other areas in your life?
– CELEBRATE! You’ve just grown through another tough conversation!
When navigating through challenging or complex situations, many people find it helps to have a thought and decision partner. This is where we come in. As strategic facilitators, we can help you explore and challenge how you currently see your situation; what you think you can or cannot do about it; and empower yourself to make your best decisions, design your best strategy, and follow through with the best implementation.
Contact us to learn more about how we can support you. We’d love to hear from you! Click Here
Copyright Nancy Chen and PowertotheQueen.com, 2019