It is your personal conviction and willpower that will enable you to intentionally lead and persist in your new direction toward your chosen goals. How can we build up our conviction and willpower to the point where we feel emboldened to JUMP into the risk inherent in going after anything that requires change, and into the worrisome new and unknown? When we are clear and certain about what we want, and that we deserve it, this feeds our sense of personal conviction and willpower to get it for ourselves.

How clear are you about what you want from your coworkers and your workplace?
How strongly do you feel you deserve it? How passionately do you want it?
What are you willing to do about it?
What’s in the way?

It’s tough enough dealing with external barriers in the workplace; but what about those internal barriers within our self? These ‘6 Steps to Confidence and Commitment’ help leaders do both: navigate around the sharks in the ocean, and move from self-saboteur to heroine. Often the key to flipping from fear to confidence is to focus and motivate ourselves more intensely from our PASSION for the desired outcome, rather than succumbing to our (often imagined) fears. Passion or Love is the flip side of Fear; with guidance, you can wisely exercise your choice in the matter:

1. ASSESS YOUR SITUATION (External)
2. SELF-AWARENESS (Internal)
3. SELF-COMPASSION (Internal)
4. SELF-REGULATION (Internal)
5. COMMITTED ACTION (External)
6. CONNECTION (External)

STEP 1: ASSESS YOUR SITUATION
The first step is to deepen your understanding of yourself, others, your situation, and your environment. Separate the facts from drama, perception, or fiction. Focus on what’s really happening on these multiple levels: with you as an individual; with your relationship to other key players; with your situation; and within your sociopolitical work environment. Only when you have a clear grasp and accurate assessment of what’s really going on, can you decide what you want to do about it, and design a plan that will address the factors that impact the real problem.

STEP 2: SELF-AWARENESS
You can’t solve problems you don’t see or resolve issues you aren’t aware of. Be honest and notice when you are getting in your own way. How might a gap in self-confidence show up for you, day-to-day? Does illogical self-doubt swim around your thoughts? Are you sensitive or insensitive to negative feedback? Do you under- or over- think your decisions? How do your personal biases affect your thinking? Do you do things that trip you up, set you back, work to your disadvantage?

sab·o·teur
/ˌsabəˈtər/ noun

Self-Sabotage; a challenge or barrier of your own making
Keeping yourself down, less than powerful, or a victim

When we internalize the “I’m not good enough” or “I’m too much” socialization of our youth, we give the Inner Critic, or Negative Voice, access to invade our healthy everyday thinking with its power-deflating effects. Self-judgement is the pesky gremlin that triggers our feelings of low self-worth and self-destructive behavior.

Why would we sabotage ourselves? Follow the twist: to confirm our internalized, yet false, belief that we are Not Good Enough or Too Much; to feed our bad habit of self-blame and shame; to justify our tendency to minimize or make our self smaller — staying down and quiet, lying low, submissive, less than fully expressed; to perpetuate the cycle of self-inflicted ‘failure’ (“there I go, messing up again”). What’s the payoff? At least, we feel acceptable and likeable; and that is HUGE for most women, whose social identity and legitimacy (as second-class citizens) is contingent on the relationships we are in, and being approved of. For the time being, we relieve our inner fear of being disconnected from others by undermining ourselves before they have the chance to criticize and reject us. By turning the responsibility and blame on ourselves, we discharge our discomfort (and, for some of us, shame) over being “just” women, and avoid the risk of conflict and confrontation. Inviting conflict is scary as we worry others may label us “a troublemaking woman” and thus threaten our status or livelihood.

STEP 3: SELF- COMPASSION
To let go of that inner critic that works against us, we develop compassion and patience with ourselves; and resist falling into traps like perfectionism, unrealistic expectations, blame and shame, imposter syndrome, self-sabotage, and fear of failure. Remember who you are, and that you are only human. Letting yourself off the hook for not being perfect doesn’t mean you do not persist to realize your goals and dreams; it just means you are wise enough to do so without unnecessary worry or suffering.

STEP 4: SELF-REGULATION
Find and practice ways that are effective for you to calm and center yourself; to step back and neutrally assess your situation; to draw your thoughts and emotions back to center from being upset, so that you proactively avoid escalating to a higher-pitched emotional state; and you can make a more objective, productive, and wise decision during the critical moment, that aligns with your best interests. Applying ‘emotional intelligence’.

There are a variety of ways to recenter; choose one that works with your dominant style of experiencing and learning. For example, which of the six senses do you respond to best? Do you learn primarily through what you see and write (visual), hear (audial), or touch and do (kinesthetic)? Do you take in and process information more easily through your mind, heart, body or intuition? Are you naturally slower or faster paced? Beyond sitting and meditating on your breath, there are other centering modalities to explore: moving meditation (like tai chi); visualizing peaceful images or a story; listening to music or readings; playing a game or sport; exercise; engaging with art, animals, nature; popular practices like NLP (neuro-linguistic programming), tapping (https://www.jackcanfield.com/blog/tapping-therapy/); and more.